In this episode of Stuff That Works, we explore how trauma can influence the brain and body, including dissociation, emotional numbness, pessimism, and difficulty trusting others. We also discuss approaches such as EMDR and other trauma-focused therapies, along with practical strategies for healing: developing emotional awareness, challenging unhealthy thought patterns, learning to regulate your emotions and body, rebuilding trust, strengthening faith, and developing meaningful connections with others.

Trauma may be part of your story, but it doesn't have to define the rest of it.

In this episode of Stuff That Works, Tommy Bates explores codependency, boundaries, and the sometimes uncomfortable difference between genuinely helping others and enabling unhealthy dependence. Drawing from more than 20 years of counseling experience, Tommy identifies three common forms of codependence: the manipulator, who finds identity through controlling others; the nurturer or rescuer, who finds worth through taking care of others; and the achiever, who depends on accomplishment and pleasing people to feel valuable.

The episode examines how even good qualities - being helpful, nurturing, hardworking, compassionate, or driven - can become unhealthy when we depend on them for our sense of identity and self-worth.

Tommy then turns to one of the most important tools for breaking the cycle: healthy boundaries. Setting boundaries means understanding what we are responsible for - and what we aren't. We are responsible for treating people with kindness, compassion, and respect, but we cannot take responsibility for everyone else's feelings, choices, reactions, or consequences.

Through practical examples, personal stories, and the powerful illustration of a butterfly that needs the struggle of escaping its cocoon in order to develop its wings, Tommy explains why continually rescuing someone can sometimes prevent the very growth we're trying to encourage.

Whether you're a parent struggling to let an adult child experience consequences, a people-pleaser who has trouble saying no, an overachiever heading toward burnout, or simply someon who tends to carry responsibilities that aren't yours, this episode offers a practical challenge:

Stay in your lane. Set healthy boundaries. Allow others room to grow - and give yourself permission to grow, too.

Practical tools. No fluff. Real life.

In this episode of Stuff That Works, Tommy Bates explores where insecurities come from, including childhood experiences, past relationships, failure, comparison, and the painful belief that we simply aren't enough. More importantly, he talks about what we can actually do about them.

You'll learn why recognizing the source of insecurity matters, how changing negative self-talk can begin rebuilding self-worth, and why healthy relationships require two people who aren't depending on each other to make them whole. Tommy also explores the difference between striving to become a better version of yourself and expecting yourself to be perfect.

For Christians, the conversation goes deeper into finding identity and worth in God rather than allowing other people's opinions, successes, failures, or past mistakes to define us.

Overcoming insecurity doesn't happen overnight. It takes self-reflection, intentional changes in how we think, grace for our imperfections, and the willingness to keep doing the repair work.

In this episode, we explore the power of negative thinking and how our thoughts can shape our emotions, behaviors, and everyday lives. More importantly, we’ll discover practical cognitive tools and biblical principles that can help us recognize unhealthy thought patterns, challenge them, and replace them with truth.

You’ll learn a simple three-step plan you can practice throughout your day:

1. Write a reminder note.

Create a simple, visible reminder that helps you pause and remember to pay attention to what you’re thinking. Use it as an intentional cue to check in with your thoughts throughout the day.

2. Put your thoughts on trial.

Instead of automatically accepting every thought as truth, examine it. Ask yourself: Is this thought true? What evidence supports it? What evidence challenges it? Is this thought helpful? Learn to separate facts from assumptions, fear, and negative interpretations.

3. Filter your thoughts through biblical truth.

God’s Word gives us a framework for evaluating what we allow to take root in our minds. We’ll explore how principles such as Philippians 4:8, Romans 12:2, 2 Corinthians 10:5, Colossians 3:2, and Proverbs 23:7 can help us become more intentional about what we think about and how we respond.

This episode isn’t about pretending negative thoughts don’t exist or simply “thinking positive.” It’s about learning to slow down, examine your thoughts, recognize what doesn’t align with truth, and intentionally choose a healthier and more God-centered perspective.

Your thoughts deserve to be examined—not automatically obeyed.

Listen in and discover how a simple daily practice can help you take your thoughts captive, renew your mind, and respond to life with greater clarity, peace, and purpose.

Take less than ten minutes to practice a guided breathing exercise by learning to belly breathe and taking an imaginary trip to the mountains, using your senses to experience the calming affects of a mountain stream with this exercise.

Take less than ten minutes to practice a guided breathing exercise by learning to belly breathe and taking an imaginary trip to the beach, using your senses to experience the calming affects of the ocean with this exercise.

To find lasting relief, we must address the fundamental question: Am I safe in this world? From a Christian perspective, the answer is not found in a guarantee that the world will be free of trouble, but in the unchanging character of God. True safety means knowing that your identity, your soul, and your future are securely held by a loving Creator.

Scripture reminds us that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. Relief comes when we surrender the past and the future to Him, anchoring our hearts in the truth that He is our refuge, our fortress, and our ever-present help in times of trouble. You are safe because the One who rules tomorrow is already there, and the One who redeemed your past has already forgiven and healed it.

Scriptures related to today's topic: Psalms 103:12, Matthew 6:34, Isaiah 26:3, john 14:27, Psalms 56:4

In this episode of Stuff That Works: Practical Tools for Lasting Change, Thomas C. Bates explores practical principles that can dramatically improve the way we communicate with the people who matter most. You'll learn why listening is far more than simply waiting for your turn to speak, discover habits that create genuine understanding, and identify common communication pitfalls that often fuel conflict.

Thomas also discusses some of the foundational emotional needs that many men and women experience in relationships, helping listeners better understand why we often miss each other—and how we can begin connecting in healthier, more meaningful ways.

Whether you're married, dating, parenting, leading a team, or simply hoping to strengthen your everyday relationships, this episode offers practical, immediately applicable tools to help you communicate with greater clarity, empathy, and purpose.

Because lasting relationships are built through conversations that work.